Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. Yes, said the lieutenant. ", 55. Did it work? He nodded. Read more. Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. 9. It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. 1. 3. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. Good news and bad news, my instructor said. Whats an LMD? I asked. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. Yes, she said. Why? I asked. 45. Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. 6. As A.J. They all originally set out to become Marines. They want their patients to see 20:20! A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. Caller: OK. A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. Its got to be the Air Force because theyre U.S. AF! At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. This site contains affiliate links. Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. Even his son turned up. Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? Landings are mandatory. Why arent there any insects in an Army base? Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost my key. If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? Military jokes! It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. Hey, Im from Chicago too!. As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. Dear Soldier, If youre having a rough day, remember the most important thing in life is to be yourself. They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. 33. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. Proceed at your own risk. Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? No, we dont, she said. 37. St. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. 41. "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. I will take the both of you for a ride. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? Me: No. There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. Now, lets try it again! 29. What did you do? The LOUDEST Military Aviation PHOTOS Best Examples Of Aircraft Camouflage Oxcart/Blackbird Wind-Tunnel Test Models Things You Can See Almost Every Day In Dubai July 29, 2020 Fully Loaded Fighter Jets Showing Off July 2, 2020 Comical Google Maps Glitches With Airplanes May 2, 2020 Bomber Aircraft Low Passes. Then came Dads ships turn. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. They cant seem to string three Ws together. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. She also liked her scotch. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. Learn from the mistakes of others. There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . 11. An airplane! 1. 38. Airmens mess, sir.. This is really good, he said. 3. After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. But something struck me as odd. What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? The Marine said Are you crazy? Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. Reply: No, I say again. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?. Auld Lang Slice The Scouts at least have adult supervision. He did his daredevil tricks over, and over again, but still not a word. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. ! Again, no reply. Caller: Is Sgt. 8. . Ocean Pearl, I answered. And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? Looking for military boot camp jokes? Did it work? He needed COVER! On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. Attention! I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". Caller: Is Sgt. Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. You know you cant outrun a bear, right?, The soldier said, The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. Rodrigues there? Me: No, I dont. I say again, stand down and divert your course. And )second One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? S | Almost replaced left inside main tire. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. I thought I was on top of my game that day, Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. He finally comes dragging in at. 44. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. Dad got quiet. A LOOtenant! On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. In-dough-structible A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. The Army will post guards around the building. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess" He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. Altitude is life insurance. If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die. (Hang up. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . 66. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. It was sheer brilliance. One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. SUB sandwiches! Do you want to hear about my plane?. Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! Keeping it safe for democracy. Lori Shandle-Fox. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. I was the tallest guy in line. Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? Its where we park the helicopters.. What is a Soldiers least favorite month? In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. I was very nervous, she said. It took the poor guy all day. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. My granddaughters husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. Bad altitude. "They're all mine. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. What does ARMY mean to you? The other replied, Not me! 50. How different military branches use the stars: The U.S. Army sleeps beneath the stars. It was PRIVATE. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. I heard this one from my basic training company commander. 1. 3. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. The reason? But my fears were put Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. There are many branches of the military. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. 27. Return to Humor Index. We were a tough group. He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. 4. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. Baltimore, said Dad. Why? I asked. When Is Military Appreciation Month? The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, How did you know the war was over? Thats why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. Me: Hello? It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. You divertyour course! Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older sergeant growled, Hey, kid, your candy bars on fire.. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. You had tents?, USAF: Birds My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. USA: Choppers It was sheer brilliance. Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? 40. And you also make me nervous when you visit.. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . Thanks. A drill serGENTLEMEN! I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. Do not attempt to shave with fire. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. After working his magic, the barber exclaimed, There you go, Yank. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. Theyre U.S. AF! He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. The sailor calls out and says, In boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak. The Marine replies, In our boot camp, they teach us not to piss on our hands.. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. Rodrigues there? Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. 13:30 comes and goes. Because the Army needed heroes too. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. What do hungry Marines eat? It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target.. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. A military private saying I learned this in boot camp After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. Divert your course NOW! Full Disclosure Here. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. These involve the army, the navy, the air force, and other security forces.. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. We recommend our users to update the browser. DeFrigNo! The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. Chicago. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. He is the Founder and . A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the ground.. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. Did you make it all by yourself? My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. 11. Thanks.. If you cant pick it up, paint it. 32. Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? P | Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern".
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